UGH! to ALLELUIA!

So here we are in the middle of Lent, but it feels more like we’ve been in Lent for an entire year! At times we may have even related to Moses and the Israelites as they wandered in the wilderness feeling abandoned and desolate, questioning where God was throughout it all.

I spent most of the early lockdown days in the kitchen. Boredom and captivity resulted in everyone being hungry all the time. I found myself getting a bit stressed as I tried to come up with another meal for another day with hopes that I had enough ingredients on hand to avoid the dreaded trip to the grocery store. UGH! became my go-to reaction to the daily challenges. I said it often!

As the days and months went on, I found myself getting more and more anxious about life. I tried to display a happy, optimistic presence, but inside I was so very sad. I was mel-ancholy for what should have been and wasn’t. The news was the same, dreary story day in and day out. I was sad for the violence, racial tensions, political oppositions, isolation, and deaths.

As the pandemic worsened, I had this fear that perhaps we were nearing the end of times. I was afraid that God was mad at us. I mean, as a society we haven’t been playing so nicely together in the sandbox. Although we have a merciful God, He is also Just. Fortunately, the extra time on my hands allowed me to explore other ways to combat my emotional despair and deepen my faith.

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It was then that I turned to Him in a different way. I had gone to Reconciliation at LaSalette and the priest suggested that I sit quietly with God; spend 5-10 minutes talking and listening to him. Sometimes I would yell at God instead....

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I had never committed to the rosary, so I decided to try a new angle: YouTube! I found that the visual depiction of the rosary kept me focused. I began attending our Mary Garden Prayer Group. I also signed up for various online catholic inspirational quotes and readings, listened to Fr. Mike Schmidt’s Bible in a Year daily podcast, and joined Fr. Lam-bert’s Zoom bible study.

This all seemed to be going along okay until late fall. I was feeling the effects of the shorter, darker, colder days, and was really tired of living in monotonous captivity. With a tragedy back home in Ohio, the sadness of not seeing my mom in over a year, an isolated Christmas, and my daughter heading off to work in a hospital covid unit, my anxiety went through the roof.

It was then that I turned to Him in a different way. I had gone to Reconciliation at LaSalette and the priest suggested that I sit quietly with God; spend 5-10 minutes talking and listening to him. Sometimes I would yell at God instead. I knew the devil was filling my head with worrisome thoughts and so I would plea for God’s divine intervention to send Satan packing. By the grace of God, I found peace.

During this year, I was reminded that God is with us during everything that we face in life. I can take my worry, sadness, anger, and despair to him at the foot of the cross and look up knowing he will get me through it all. God offers his mercy and love particularly during our troubled times. Our faith teaches us there is light in darkness. Yes, we all have our crosses to bear, but we also have the Resurrection. I have replaced my UGH! with
ALLELUIA!